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Humor 2016-11-07T10:16:48+00:00

 

Let’s laugh! When we laugh at ourselves, we release the tension, feel better, and look at ourselves from a different angle. Many times we may find the perfect solution. Laughing is healthy and removes stress.

If you have any good jokes about eating, dieting or weight loss, feel free to submit it. I’ll post it here, so more people can enjoy a good laugh. 

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An overweight blonde followed doctor’s advice

An overweight blonde woman came to the doctor for a weight loss consultation. The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day for 30 days. This, he promised, would help her lose as much as twenty pounds. 

The blonde follows the doctor’s advice and after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she’d indeed lost twenty pounds.

She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question, “Doctor, how do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?”

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Meow…the food was good…

Let’s laugh! When we laugh at ourselves, we release the tension, feel better, and look at ourselves from a different angle. Many times we may find the perfect solution. Laughing is healthy and removes stress.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hmm …why don’t they make mouse-flavored cat food?

 

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Smart Dieting

A woman in the diet club was upset that she had gained weight. She reported that she’d made her family’s favorite cake over the weekend, but they ate only half of it for dinner. The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone.

The woman came to tell her friends how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would be disappointed.

Everyone commiserated; until someone asked what her husband said when he found out.

She smiled. “I am not that stupid. He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!”

***

– Hi, I’d like to purchase yearly membership

– Fitness Center is on the second floor. This is Dunkin’ Donuts.

– I know.

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Refrigerator Diet

One time when a student was home visiting his parents, his mom asked him to set the table for dinner.

He opened the refrigerator and noticed a photo taped to the inside of the door. It was a picture of a lovely, perfectly built, young blonde woman.

 “Mom, who is that? Hey, can you introduce me?” he smiled.

 “Oh dear, I put that up there to remind me not to over-eat,” she laughed.

 “Come on, mom! Is it working?” he asked.

 “Yes and no,” she explained. “I’ve lost 15 pounds, but your dad has gained 20!”

 *** 

The Perfect Diet

A terribly overweight woman goes to her doctor about her weight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. 

“I want you to eat vegetables and grains for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.  The next time I see you, you will lose at least 5 pounds.”

When the woman came back, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

“Wow! That’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”

The woman nodded.  “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead on that third day.”

“From hunger, you mean?”

“No, from skipping.”

 *** 

Softer Wording

A personal trainer in a gym sat down with a new client to review her application. For the question “To what do you attribute your fitness issues?” the woman wrote “Horrendous eating habits.”

“Why do you say that?” a trainer asked.

The woman replied, “I can’t spell atrocious.”

*** 

Why did the student eat his homework?
The teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

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A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand

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Bachelor and a Cookbook

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, and their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

“I got a cookbook once,” said one, “but I could never do anything with it.”

“Too much fancy work in it, ah?” asked the other.

“You name it – Every recipe begins with – ‘Take a clean dish'”.

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The Genesis Diet

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And Satan created McDonald’s. And McDonald’s brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, “You want fries with that?” And Man said, “Super-size them.” And Man gained pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.

And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored candies to put on the yogurt. And woman gained pounds.

And God said, “Try my crispy fresh salad.”

And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese. And there was ice cream for dessert. And woman gained more pounds.

And God said, “I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them.”

And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained pounds, and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.

And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and EPSN2. And Man gained pounds.

And God said, “You’re running up the score, Satan.”

And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, “It is good.” And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And Satan created HMOs.

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